Lately, I've had a suspicion. A something-is-off-but-darned-if-I-know-what kind of a suspicion. For that past few months, actually. I've finally managed to pin it down and put a name on it ; I'm happy. I am so happy, it's embarrassing. Seriously. Sometimes I feel ashamed to be so incredibly happy all the time ; it doesn't seem fair. I'm sure it's illegal in at least three states. I'm pretty sure they outlawed happiness in some of the Great Lakes states and that's how all that rain started. . .
Anyway, that's why I'm posting it on here. It feels less like bragging than if it were on myspace or facebook 'cause no one actually reads this blog, but I still feel like I finally told somebody. It's like, even when I'm depressed or upset or tired-tired or semi-suicidal (which happens around college app time), there's still this underlying joy, some thread of song that runs through me, sustains me, I am singing, singing, singing.
I am so, so blessed. Every day I thank God for everything He has given me and I pray that the future will be as bright and that I can continue to live as He would want me to.
I hope that I won't jinx it by posting this, but I just wanted to say that it's possible. 'Cause sometimes it doesn't feel like that, que no? It feels like there's just one great long endless tunnel of monotony, but that's not it, I promise promise promise! It's all about holding on, really, 'cause everything shifts, all the time. It feels to me like if I stand still enough I can feel time slipping away from me, sliding through my hands and beneath my feet, trying to make me stumble. But I'm holding on to something. I'd say it's my boyfriend, maybe, or my family, or my books, my clay, even my crochet hook. Only I don't think that's it. I think it's God. I want to give thanks every day. I can't say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you!